Current mood:

pessimistic

Three Months...
Exactly three months from today I will be twenty years old.  An "adult" by all definitions of the term, one year shy of being legal in all senses all across the world.  I don't know why twenty seems so scary.  Maybe because I don't feel twenty.  Sometimes I feel centuries older and sometimes I feel like I should still be in highschool, still be protected from the terrors of the world.

But I think the main reason is that I have felt, for the better part of ten years, that I won't make it much past thirty.  Something in me suggests that in the next decade, something will go drastically wrong in my life.  I've never felt like I would make it to old age.  So by now, with a decade left, in theory anyways, I should have made my impact or I'd damn well better make it quick.

I'm sure it's just paranoia talking and that I'll live to the ripe old age of one hundred and twelve, with bustling groups of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, telling stories about all I've done and how when I was a child, gas didn't even cost two dollars a litre and we wore things on our wrists that told time.

But I've had this feeling for so long that I can't help but feel a little worried.