I sometimes feel like I don't deserve love, like all the events of the past year are links in the chains of a prophecy, a cosmic warning that I am doomed to fail in the quest for affection and the unconditional love, the true love that is pain and suffering and extascy and desire, yearning.  Falling in and out of until you can hardly stand it.  Between everything I have learned in the last twelve months and all the mistakes I have made, all the pain I have caused the people I want the most... I am beginning to think that I need to stop.  Stop looking for a love I can't have.

The thing is, I know what will make me happy.  And it's not a relationship.  I want to be an Interpreter for the deaf community.  I've wanted to do it since I was eleven years old, ever since I found out that it was a career path I could follow.  With that, I want to take what I learn to third world countries and help deaf people there to communicate their needs to their peers, to make a differance among people who just don't have the education options to help themselves.  I want to travel around and teach people to communicate, to bond.

There is something about signing that is more intense than in regular spoken word.  You really have to pay attention, to see what the person is telling you, in order to respond.  The silence is exhilerating, it's a moment of peace in the cacophany of noise and the buzz of everything around us.

So as of today I give up on love.  Because I don't need it.  I am going to live my dream.  And I'm going to live it alone, just me, making my way in this world.

This is my journey...
Want to come along?